WeissFest 2012 - David Weiss

The Queens and the Kings of Queens

"The Queens and the Kings of Queens" was the official title and location of the 2012 WeissFest as guessed by Scott. For this lucky guess he won a 1000 piece puzzle, but the grand prize of a dozen giant Knishes and the coveted Snow Globe went to Team Inghittire Poco/Donatello (Ada & David).

First stop, breakfast at Gantry Plaza State park overlooking Manhattan followed by the famous graffiti spot in Long Island City called the "5 Pointz". From our hip-hop location we moved on to the American Museum of the Moving Image and then off to Corona to Mama's for delicious giant Italian heros and ices at the Lemon Ice King. Finally, we went to the giant model display of NYC at the Queens museum of Art and finished the day outside at the Unisphere where both teams answered trivia questions to break the tie.


2012 Emails

WeissFest 2012 is getting closer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

During my research for this year’s Fest, I uncovered some amazing things!  “ Did you know “ that Humankind throughout history has participated in WeissFest-like events? “  In the coming weeks I will chronicle several of these.

“ Did you know “ that Moses originally planned to limit the Exodus to just his immediate family?  Only with God’s constant nagging did he agree to extend it to the rest of the Jewish People.  The original cast of characters was to be:

Moses, his wife Chava Sura, his 2 sons Duvid Tvi and Sholom Rachamin, and his daughter-in-law Minyan ( she was named Minyan because it was said she could out-eat 10 men ).

Moses scheduled many activities for their journey.  Here are but a few.

1.       The Ten Plagues ( including the always popular slaying of the first born – Moses liked to call it Smiting ).
2.       Wandering in the desert for 40 years.  It would have been 41, but Duvid had to wake up early the next year to chisel the credits for the Talmud.
3.       Brick making ( As it is written, “ With hard labor at mortar and brick, and in all sorts of work in the field, with all the tasks ruthlessly imposed upon them”. )

Moses planned many questions to determine which team would win the Grand Prize.  Here is a sampling.

1.       If Abraham is the father of the Jewish People and Noah’s eldest son is Ham, why the hell can’t Jews eat pork?
2.       Why did the Jewish People cross the Red Sea? ( The chicken was on vacation in Eilat ).
3.       And the traditional “ Mah Nishtanah halilah Hazeh…?  This question was once again posed over 2 millennia later on the front porch of Sagamore Hill by the Prophet Nuchum ( Nathan ).

Of course, the grand prize that year was the Fifteen, make that the Ten Commandments.  Moses and his family, agreed, somewhat reluctantly, to share their prize with all the People of the World.  Moses told friends afterwards that if the prize was a Magical, Musical Snow Globe, they would not have been so agreeable.

Look for the next installment of Fests through the Ages!

WeissFest 2012, The Year of the Dragon is scheduled for 5/12/12!  If late April brings warmer weather, and everyone is available, we could go earlier.  Start working out, resting up, and eating right!!

“ Did you know “ that Marco Polo’s journey along the fabled Silk Road was really just a Fest Marco planned for his family?  Marco, being a very learned man for his time, was a student of the Old Testament and knew of Moses’ Exodus exploits.

Cast of characters:

Marco Polo, a book merchant from Venice who had  way too much free time because less than 1% of the population could read.
His wife Chava Nagila, a Sephardic Jewess and a Professoressa of Reading at the University of Bologna
Youngest son Scungilli Russo, banker to the Medici family ( He always wanted to be a banker )
Oldest son, Donatello Ninja Tartaruga (Turtle), a Freelancer in the Seventh Crusade
Tartaruga’s wife Inghiottire Poco ( Little Swallow), who did PR for a group of Venetian physicians trying to find a cure for Pertosse ( whooping cough ) using the cupping method

In 1271, Marco and his Festers set out along the dangerous Silk Road, final destination: Cathay ( China )!  Marco was very concerned about protecting his beloved family along the long and dangerous route.  He was especially worried about them getting  separated and lost.  He sought the council of his great friend Leonardo Da Vinci ( ironically, Leo was actually from the town of Vinci- what a coincidence ).  LDV invented something for Marco called the Megafona.  Each family member got a Megafona and were instructed, if they ever got separated, to use it to yell out “ Marco “ , wait for the others to yell out “ Polo “, and follow the sounds until they were united again.  Fortunately, they only had to use the Megafonas once, when they couldn’t find Scungilli while swimming in the Sacred Pools of Samarkand ( in modern day Uzbekistan ).

Marco, using the Moses model, planned many activities along the way including:

1.       Crossing the Red Sea- Trying to duplicate Moses’ Exodus almost ended in tragedy for the Polo’s ( I guess their God wasn’t up to the task )
2.       Towel Races ( one and two humped) in present day Kurdistan
3.       Yak tipping in the Himalayas  ( Chava Nagilia was vehemently opposed to this )
4.       Attending a royal wedding at the Court of Kublai Khan ( held at the fabulous Cathay Gardens Chinese Restaurant- not the Lowell, MA branch )

The Polo’s were guests of the Great Khan for many years ( pictured below ).


He personally escorted them to experience the Great Wall of China ( called the Great Wall by the Chinese ).   During the trip from the capital Dadu ( modern day Beiijing ), Kublai commandeered one of the Polo’s Megafonas, stood up on his horse, and proceeded to lecture his guests the entire way on proper protocol once they were on the wall and the correct way to prepare Dadu duck.

Kublai’s family came along for the ride:

1.       His wife the Queen, Madelaine Khan
2.       His eldest son James Khan, an actor in Dadu Opera
3.       X Khan, the black sheep of the family, who had just served a 2 year prison term for counterfeiting Terra Cotta Warriors
4.       His youngest son Du-Du

Of course, from the beginning, Marco posed many questions to determine which team would win the Grand Prize ( Hava and Scungili vs. Donatello and Inghittire Poco ):

1.       What would our friend Leonardo be named if he was born in Caprio instead of Da Vinci, and would he have still become an artist and inventor?
2.       Why was the Silk Road so dangerous? ( Because it was originally the Slik Road ( the letter c hadn’t been invented yet ), so named because all the camel and horse pee caused many accidents ).
3.       If a herd of goats leaves Damascus going east at 2km per hour, and a family of tigers leaves Outer Mongolia going west at 5km per hour, where along the Silk Road would they meet, and how many minutes would it take for the tigers to eat the goats?
4.       Why did we cross the Bosphorus Strait?  ( because the Turkey was on vacation ).

The Grand Prize at the end of their Fest was to be an ancient Chinese treasure given to Marco’s father Niccolo some years earlier by Kublai Khan himself. ( see picture below of treasure, not Niccolo )

File:CMOC Treasures of Ancient China exhibit - painted figure of a cavalryman.jpg

However, the Polo’s were kidnapped on their way to receive the treasure by their coach driver and held captive in a jade factory.  After days of negotiations, Marco agreed to give back the treasure, and the winning team accepted  small pieces of jade as their prizes.  They were then released and allowed to go back to the palace.

Well, enough of this.  My wife is insisting I spend more time with her, so I may not communicate for a while.

Why is May 12 such an important day in history?

a.       May 12, 1861- the American Civil War begins as Confederate troops fire on Ft. Sumter, South Carolina
b.      May 12, 1945- FDR dies at age 63
c.       May 12 , 1955- the Salk vaccine against polio was declared safe and effective
d.      May 12, 1949- Mao Zedong outlines the new Chinese government
e.      May 12, 1961- Soviet Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin becomes the first man to fly in space
f.        May 12, 2012- Rangers begin their quest for another Stanley Cup

The answer- G. None of the above because the correct answer is: One month until WeissFest 2012!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WeissFest 2012 is three weeks away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know the anticipation is excruciating.  Most likely, it has consumed your lives, making it almost impossible to concentrate on jobs, pregnancies, and other meaningless facets of your lives.

It’s affecting me as well.  My creativity is depleted, so you won’t find any humor in this message.  But it’s all of you that worry me.  You need to get on with your lives.  You have important work to do, and Ada, obviously you need to make Baby J  your number one priority.

So, if WeissFest is just too much of a distraction, I am willing to cancel!  If you think that you can handle it and put WeissFest in its proper perspective, we’ll go for it on May12th!

I await your decisions.

WeissFest is two weeks away ( and one day )!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All of my previous e-mails have been about you, the contestants.  I thought I would make this one about your Fest Director.  Who is he?

Hawks watch him on webcam.
When someone says “  Did you know “? , he knows!
He’s not on Facebook, never Tweets  but often enjoys talking to himself.
He makes mistakes on purpose just to appear normal.
Bulldogs think he’s cute.
He would read Playboy just for the articles, but his wife won’t let him.
He is so cool, cruise ships go miles out of their way to avoid him.
He hired Burson Marsteller to make him seem dull and uninteresting ( they are doing a great job! ).
He is the only person in the world who can recite the Pledge of Allegiance correctly (but no one cares).
He is the bees knees, the cat’s pajamas, a hep cat, the Duke of Earl, one cool dude, , the bomb, the, all that…

He is the most interesting man in the world!!!

“ I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Schmidt’s  Gay!

“ Stay Festy my friends “ !

WeissFest 2012 is one week away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe!  Here’s why:

·        Weather may not cooperate
·        We’re having work done in the kitchen and 5/12 may be the only day he can come.
·        The Go Pi Rangers might have to play a seventh game, which is scheduled for next Saturday ( anyone who would prefer watching a hockey game to participating in one of the most spectacular events of the year is in need of some serious therapy- get a life! )

Happy Cinco De Mayo!!  CDM celebrates Mexico’s upset victory over France in the Battle of Puebla, 5/12/1862.

Will there be an upset in this year’s WeissFest?

It’s time to stop joking around, and time to put on our game faces.  Here’s mine. //www.funny-games.biz/images/thumbs/picture/760-strange-oldy.jpg     

Our main objective is to enjoy the sights and have fun, but the competition makes it that much more exciting!

ReTodd and Yanghtze have been talking smack- “We’re going to kick their butts”- MyErica and ScottFree have been quiet, letting last year’s victory speak for them.

But repeating is often very difficult.  For example:
·         The last MLB team to win consecutive championships was the 1998-2000 Yankees (3).
·         NFL- New England Patriots-2004,5
·         NBA- LA Lakers- 2009-10
·         NHL-Detroit Red Wings-97,8
·         NCAA Basketball- U of Florida-06,7
·         NCAA Football- Nebraska-94,5
·         And, believe it or not, no horse has ever won 2 consecutive Kentucky Derbies.

So, Let’s get ready to rumble!!!!!

First on the May 12 agenda will be the 2nd Annual Guess the Location Contest ( with Special Prize ), won last year by MyErica the Beautiful!  Here’s a hint:  You won’t need your passports.

The weather might be little cool in the morning, so dress warmly ( we may be outside ). Eat well this week- no cured meats, seafood, or soft cheese.

May 19th could be a rain date, but only if everyone is agreeable.  Otherwise, we’ll have to agree on a date in June.

Remember: Keep your eyes on the prize image

Stay Festy My Friends!!!!
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